How we avoided becoming Cult Leaders

Our journey within a corrupt industry, and finding our niche, “Tantric Intimacy”

We’ve been in the coaching “world” for four years but specifically certified in Tantra for two. Before our Tantric training, we paid over $20,000.00 to MLM-style coaches to learn how to use neurolinguistic programming on ourselves, a practice used by the founders of NXIVM. The coaches we worked with called it “belief work” or “manifesting your reality.” Unfortunately, it’s a very well-kept secret that you can change your life with your thoughts. Rhonda Byrne built an entire empire from this concept and called it, quite literally, “The Secret.”

“Breath of Fire" is an HBO documentary series that explores how Kundalini yoga was brought to the United States and how Katie Griggs, a white millennial woman, became its celebrity face. Without giving away any spoilers, the series exposes the capitalistic, patriarchal corruption behind spiritual collectivist communities and the unregulated field of social media practitioners, particularly those who appropriate and popularize practices and principles from the cultures of Black, Indigenous, and People of Color.

“The Vow,” another cult documentary series, details the horrendous abuse committed by the founder of NXIVM, Keith Rainere, and how he got away with it for as long as he did. He designed a program and curriculum to optimize the human experience and “build a better world.” Both Katie Griggs and Keith Rainere relentlessly bypassed and “transcended” their humanity to maintain power and control. They used celebrity worship culture to coerce their followers into believing they were on a “fast track” to success and belonging.

(Image description: 7 cult documentary posters including Breath of Fire, The Vow, The Lost Women of NXIVM, Seduced, The Deep End, Escaping Twin Flames, and Stolen Youth: inside the cult at Sarah Lawrence.)

“Lifestyle gurus” have made millions implementing neurolinguistic programming, which can be a tool to gaslight yourself into believing different “truths” to feel “happier” in the moment. This specific technique utilizes the power of communication and psychology to change thoughts and behaviors and is used in the most commonly practiced therapies, such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Unfortunately, though, these tools of psychology can be used for manipulation to make victims believe that the harm they are enduring isn’t harm, but rather a source of personal empowerment. Keith Raniere held his followers hostage by convincing them that power, abuse, and victimhood are issues of perspective and social constructs that can be overcome through mindset training.

The global pandemic and 2020 lockdown ignited an awareness of our mortality, which inspired many people to seek connection to a deeper sense of purpose and fulfillment in their lives. We fell prey to a Life Coach in 2021, to whom we paid thousands of dollars for individual coaching, virtual group coaching programs, and exclusive retreats all in the hopes of achieving an unrealistic balance between doing meaningful, heart-centered work AND making more money than we ever dreamed of, which is only possible if we followed their model of maintaining a cycle of exploitation.

As would be expected, that motive ended up backfiring, our empty bank accounts being the catalyst to an explosive break-up with our coach and her community.

Transcendent language, principles, and communities can provide a sense of belonging and liberation from the dominant culture’s mainstream standards. However, we’ve experienced professionally and personally, how these concepts and spaces can prey on our search for meaning, purpose, and acceptance.

Unless you find a practitioner who acutely acknowledges and opposes systems of oppression, most of the psychological treatments available ultimately aim to serve the white supremacist capitalist agenda. As de-colonial spiritual practitioners, the majority of our clients come to work with us after having negative experiences with traditional therapists. Dr. Jennifer Mullan, a clinical psychologist and activist, started a movement and wrote the book, Decolonizing Therapy, urging the field of psychology to change its approach.

Although it still has a long way to go, the advancement of mental health and awareness of its importance has improved countless lives. Trauma-informed, somatic, embodiment-centered care has been critical to liberation movements and our health and wellness. Yet, these therapeutic models are mostly stolen from eastern and indigenous cultures, and appropriated for colonial function. Support groups, created from indigenous “healing circle” practices, have been capitalized for their effectiveness by insurance companies, making some psychological rehabilitation centers cash cows for investors. Watch, The Business of Recovery, to learn more about the corruption of rehabilitation facilities.

When we chose to become practitioners we were wedged between the unchecked world of not-so-reliable Instagram life coaches and the traditional path of higher education/academia, both demanding that we pay an exuberant amount of money to practice. The life coach world told us that academia was a scam and academia told us that lifestyle coaches did not have the credentials to be doing the work they were doing. We found the answer to what kind of practitioners we wanted to be by connecting our work back to our ancestral lineage. Each of us comes from a long line of “magic,” spirituality, and indigeneity. Sofia is Puerto Rican, with ancestry and living family members who practice Brujeria, Santeria, and Espiritismo, and Kabir is Black + Indo-Caribbean raised in a Pan-African community that rejected all versions of Abrahamic religions and followed Hinduism, Buddhism, and the Kemetic Orthodoxy. Our experience with corrupt coaches urged us to reclaim our roots and follow our spiritual intentions, leading us to communities like the Urban Tantra Professional Training Program and work that speaks to our desire to seek something beyond money, “manifesting,” and material gain.

Fast forward to now, we’ve crystallized our own “Tantric Intimacy” series that has become the template for our live workshops and immersive retreats. We found ourselves creating from a place of connection and service again, with sliding-scale offerings and designing curriculum that emphasized the vulnerability in our humanity, and how to better care for one another. When we were working with our Business Coach, she asked us to charge outlandish prices for our coaching containers, giving us the language on how to challenge potential clients into paying amounts of money that we didn’t feel good about. Now, we rarely turn folks away due to lack of funds, instead, we design offerings that feel equitable for clients and us as practitioners.

Our coaching and education oppose seeking power and control, and emphasizes the importance of community, friendship, and the greater collective. As tumultuous as this journey has been, we are grateful for what it has given us- a call back to our roots and the desire to share them without exclusivity or a ridiculously high buy-in. Our goal is to challenge and expand on the ways we’ve been taught to care for one another, and we do that by remaining accessible to our growing support network.

To learn more about our offerings and services, check out our cute little scroll-through website. If you’re considering 1:1 support to improve your relationship with yourself, others, and the world around you, we welcome you to schedule an exploratory call.

Thanks for reading! As always, if you have any feedback, comments, or questions feel free to reply or engage with us. We love to hear from you.

In love, service, & debauchery,

BxF