Pride Variety Show: what is it, why we host it, & your invitation
A Fifi origin story - family, legacy, and queerness
Last year, “BEARXFIFI” hosted its first Pride Variety Show sponsored by the Multicultural Music Group (MMG) at Pete’s Candy Store, a local bar and communal stage in Williamsburg, Brooklyn.
WATCH LAST YR’S LIVESTREAM
We featured incredible artists and open-mic’ers, and we’re doing it again this year 🌟 Come thru if you’re in town, we’re hosting another feature production at Starr Bar in Bushwick, Brooklyn (a historically Puerto Rican neighborhood), on June 15th from 5-7pm.
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For the past year, I (Fifi) have been substituting for my dad as executive director of the MMG, the 501-c3 arts and culture nonprofit he founded in 1996. “BEARXFIFI” has been able to host a Pride Variety Show for the past 2 years thanks to funding the MMG received to support local small-scale productions free to the public.
Coincidentally, this year’s Pride Variety Show falls on Father’s Day. My dad won’t be at the show because he’s taken a back seat with MMG’s productions. Also, it’s common for queers to have estranged relationships with their fathers, if at all, so as the producers, Bear & I thought, why not offer a space for community to gather and celebrate chosen family? 🌈
I’ve been subbing for my dad this year because, unfortunately, he’s not well. My need to fulfill his role was urgent and untimely in many ways. “BEARXFIFI” was just becoming more established + earning traction when I had to start leading the organization last June.
Bear and I pivoted to get more involved with the MMG. Although it had been several years since either of us had done work of this nature, we responded to the opportunity as mission-driven, service-oriented people, and it *has* been deeply fulfilling to be facilitators of collective artistic experiences, especially for the kids.
Read Bear’s post about his adventures and learnings as Social Emotional Coordinator for the organization’s Symphonic Youth Program middle school students.
In a wild full-circle way, I’ve been asked to be the 2025 graduation keynote speaker at the public school where MMG runs its Symphonic Youth Program, which is also the middle school I graduated from. 🫢
It can be said that I went into business with my partner whom I live with because I’ve only ever known a home where everyone’s working for the same cause.
I come from a family of devout educators. My mother was a guidance counselor for 35 years and my father was a history teacher before founding the MMG.
With my mom’s help, my father founded MMG when I was 2 years old.
Up until college, I was fully immersed in music, either studying it myself (electric & acoustic bass) or being present at my father’s events.
My dad likes to brag that I was a bass “prodigy” with perfect pitch. I don’t think this is true because I didn’t practice enough, and was too resentful at feeling forced to choose music. When I got to college, I dropped the bass altogether and pursued design.
Although my father and I have an atypical relationship, I’m grateful to be able to pay artists and give folks a place to gather because of what he started.
I definitely got my cojones1 from my dad, and it’s also why our relationship is complicated. As open-minded as he may seem, my father still comes from a generation and upbringing that upholds machismo2 as the standard way for cis men to behave. As I age and feel myself becoming fiercely bi-gender, I’m trying to correct the parts of masculinity my dad probably won’t get to fix before his time’s up. I’m currently working on embodying a version of masculinity that is opposite to mashismo, in which I relinquish trying to force my will or feel in control by taking myself less seriously.
As part of this practice to take myself less seriously, I’ll be performing my first Drag King number at June 15th’s Pride Variety Show. Performance has always been a means for queers to heal collectively. We have to be able to laugh! This world is just too horrible not to. We claim, reclaim, transmute, alchemize, and bear our souls in ways the straights cannot, and we’ll remain undefeated. 🖤🤎🏳️⚧️
To wrap this up, I’m deeply proud of what my father built. This has been the most challenging year of my adult life, and I’m privileged to come from a family so dedicated to service. As I settle into “adulthood,” I realize I’m less preoccupied with being perceived as “successful,” and more focused on preserving the traditions from my heritage that I appreciate, and while sometimes obnoxious, Puerto Rican art/culture is lit aF 🇵🇷🐸🔥 Obviously, I’ll be performing Bad Bunny.
I’ve decided I’m here (on this earth) to have a good time through hard times, and the more I give of myself unconditionally, the more I get out of life.
I’ve been prepped to lead the Multicultural Music Group since before I knew my times tables. While it wasn’t my dream, it is a legacy I get to choose to continue.
It’s not emotionally/mentally sustainable for me to keep operating at this capacity though. “BEARXFIF” is still in business and I have a third part-time job. Thankfully, I have the perfect partner to support me through this and I will avoid burnout at all costs. I’ve cried more this year than ever in my life, and maybe this is just the universe’s way of breaking down my internalized machismo.
Don’t really know how to end this because the story is still being written, but thanks for witnessing and I hope to grow alongside you all in Queerness & Revolution. 🌎
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I love you and who you are becoming and lucky to witness you on your journey. Thanks for sharing the love with me and this was beautiful. Cant wait to see u drag king it out and thank u for inviting me to perform 🥹